I slept all day yesterday until about 6:00pm, then went back to bed around 11pm and was wide awake by 5am. I laid in bed for about 30 minutes trying to go back to sleep and all I can think about are the orphans. In my mind I just want to sleep to numb the pain of having had to leave them behind. It is too painful to think about them lying in their cribs waiting for us to come back, and Yung Young, waiting in his mother’s room as she dies, peeking around the corner every few minutes to see if we’ve arrived yet. It hurts. And as amazing and refreshing as it is to see and hold my own precious babies, it hurts to know that these children that we left behind don’t have what my kids have. They don’t have the undivided, unconditional love and adoration of even one person, and my children have it from several. They are fed on a strict schedule, and are given what is most convenient and easy for the nannies to fix (mostly porridge–more watered down for the babies), and they have no choice for more if they are still hungry. My children eat until they’re full and have an assortment of food, an unending supply, and if they’re hungry, they are very rarely turned away. They are obviously well-fed, as Eli’s chunky little rolls all over his body are a direct give-away. The orphans will never leave the compound, more likely, never leave the inside of the building, even though there is an outdoor playground and grounds with paths where they could take the children for walks. The nannies see no reason to take them outside. So instead, they sit in their cribs, and if they’re lucky, they are taken to a large open room that is called the playroom. Typically you will see two bouncy toys that the children will sit on and a nanny will bounce them. Other than that, maybe a ball or two, an empty water bottle, and a set of morrocos (sp?) to play with. They do have other toys that have been given to them by our group in years past, but they are put away in cabinets and the children aren’t allowed to play with them because they are ‘too nice.’ Doesn’t make much sense. I can’t imagine my children staying in the house, or in one room day after day after day. At least they have large, open windows where they can see outside and get lots of fresh air. The problem is, the Chinese don’t use air-conditioners because they believe putting a baby in cool air will make them sick. So instead, the babies lay in their cribs and sweat. They are dressed in whatever clothes are lying around-girl clothes are put on boys and boy clothes are put on girls. They don’t take the time to think about it before dressing them. Usually, we see them in a tank top or short-sleeve shirt and pants. They also don’t use diapers, but instead, a strip of cloth, then they place a strip of plastic on top of the cloth, then another strip of cloth. They lay the child on that, wrap it around him or her, and tie it with string. It’s extremely thick, bulky, and very hot. I wish there was a way to talk them into using other means of diapering these kids–even cloth diapers would be better. However, old habits die hard, and I’m sure they believe that what they are doing works the best.
My mind keeps going back over and over to the little boy with crippled hands. We called him Luke, and I grew so attached to him. He reminds me a lot of an Asian version of Eli. He loves to be held, is such a cuddler, but has a mind of his own. He loves to play ball and will roll it back and forth to you over and over. I gave him one of those plastic balls with all the holes in it and he played with it the entire time we were there. He even slept with it. I think I posted a picture of that. With his hands crippled like they are, he would use his pinky finger as a thumb and would stick that in one of the holes of the ball and carry it around everywhere we went. Yesterday, after dinner, Eli found a ball just like that at home and started batting it around the kitchen. Tears came to my eyes immediately as I made the connection in my mind. I can’t help but admit, part of me wants to bring that child home, but the same part tells me I’m crazy for thinking it. It would be over a year before we could possibly get him, and even if we tried, and started the process of attempting to adopt him, there are no guarantees that we could get him. The process is so complicated, but the fact that he’s crippled would give us a better chance. However, I don’t know what it would do to my family either….it could be extremely good, or extremely overwhelming. I feel so overwhelmed with life now, with only two kids, what would I do with another in the mix, crippled, and non-accustomed to life in America. And on top of that, the expenses–not only of adoption, but surgery, and the daily expenses of having three boys all around the same age! I know the Lord would take care of us, and would walk us through such a journey, but I want to be wise and follow His direction for us, not jumping quickly into something like this. This is a life, and something like this is for life. Maybe our role here is just to pray fervently that he would get added to the waiting child list and he would find a loving and adoring family very soon. My fear is to go back next year and find him just the same, no closer to finding a family than he was before, no closer to having his little hands fixed than he was before, and no closer to being free of that place. If these children aren’t placed on the list, and given the opportunity to be adopted, the ones that have handicaps will more than likely be there for life. It’s almost impossible for my mind to even process that thought.
Did I mention that we saw Luke take his first steps while we were there? It was priceless. I was so concerned that I was going to miss Eli’s first steps while I was gone, and when we saw Luke’s, I decided the sacrifice was worth it. For Luke to have someone there, cheering for him and waiting with open arms for him to walk to for the first time, and to rejoice in that moment that would otherwise have been mostly overlooked, was amazing. He took about two steps and stopped. And then I got his next steps on video. I’ll try to post that video on my blog for you to see. At the beginning of the week he was very mellow and reserved, and by the end of the week he was laughing, copying words I would say, playing ball, fussing, and acting like a normal 18-month old toddler. I ask that if you are reading this, you would pray for these kids. There are so many children that I haven’t even mentioned, and so many prayer requests, I wouldn’t know where to start. I ask that you would pray for Yung Young as his mother dies. He has a very difficult road ahead of him. When his mother dies, he will be taken out of that room, and forced to live and play with the other kids. I think I have failed to mention that not only is he scared of the nannies, but he’s scared of the other kids because he knows they have mental problems. He has a bag full of his very own toys that I’m sure will be taken from him. Hopefully, they will not take his most prized possessions which are his 3 or 4 wrinkled old pictures of him with his family. Pray that they keep those for him in a safe place. Pray of course for Luke and the other 3 toddlers that all of their files get sent to the gov. so that they can be put on the adoption list. Pray also for the children that rarely come out of their cribs, for a peace and hope that surpasses all understanding. Pray for the ones that are blind, autistic, crippled, abused, starving, sick, mentally crazy, sad, and more. Pray also for the two tiny babies, one who is very very sick, the other who has a cleft lip and pallet and has a difficult time eating, that they will survive the neglect, and that there is future hope for them, whether it’s here on earth, or even better, with their heavenly father. Lastly, please also pray for the nannies. Pray that our joy and love for these kids was able to overflow to them and influence how they interact and treat these children. Pray that they will love these kids and have a renewed sense of purpose and a heart for taking care of them well. I appreciate these prayers more than any of you know!
Couldn’t figure out how to embed the video into my blog, but if you click the link below, it will let you view it…..
MVI_3563
He had never seen stickers before and he loved them, obviously. He also had never had fruit snacks and after he took that first bite, I think he found a new favorite snack : ) Reminds me of someone else I know! The funny thing was, he gave one to me, one to another girl that was standing there, and then ran around to the other side of his mother’s bed, and offered one to her. Of course, she declined. We also found out that he is only five years old.
by mallory
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